blah blah blah is right......

I honestly don't know what else to say, that is why I haven't posted in a long time.

I can't put into words what I'm feeling.


The pain of losing Rod has been wearing on me. Everything I see, everything I read, every song I hear, I think of him. The new fall tv shows make me think of him, I'm so sad he isn't here to see them. When I see a Dollywood commercial, I think of him ~ he loved Dolly Parton. At his memorial services, the song "I'll always love you" (Dolly's version) was played along with Country Roads by John Denver.





The leaves changing colors make me think of him and our farm in West Virginia and how gorgeous it has to be there now.

Every moment of the day he is in my thoughts and just knowing that I will never hear his voice again haunts me. My heart aches.
I cannot imagine my life from here on without him ~ our Thanksgiving tradition was roasted oysters and lots of beer. I gave him his own set of oyster knives for Christmas last year for him to use this Thanksgiving :(.

I've lost all 4 of my grandparents, my dad, my mom and now a brother. I don't feel safe, I don't feel whole anymore, actually the only thing I know is what I feel and I'm sad, mad, anxious and realize nothing is forever and tomorrow my world could change again. I could wake up tomorrow and all it would take is one phone call for another change.

It is really amazing how the change of seasons, the crispness in the air, the thoughts of the holidays can bring on such strong emotions and new pain. I had thought with each day passed, that the next day would be easier, I was wrong. With each new day, there is a new emptiness discovered.